So, I got bored and spammed my status

From my facebook status and my following comments:
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Angst-filled status! I figured I'd spare you, gentle reader, of the particulars and instead tell a story. This is a story about a bridge crossing the Wannuskigi River...

So there I was. Dawn, the third Sunday of September. Standing across the bridge from me was Gerry Spindalphen, the local card shark and my nemesis. Daylight had just broken and the local fish were leaping. Lighthoppers, they were called, and they could take down a duck. Other than their splashes and haunting "Krreeeiii!", the wilderness was quiet, the birds having long ago learned to keep quiet around the Wannuskigi...

I couldn't remember the first time I met Gerry, but my earliest rememberance of him was one of pure hatred. He stole my parking spot at Tamm's Tavern, and on his back bumper was Calvin flipping me off. I keyed his car. This was the height of our friendliness.

We were at odds today for a usual reason. We routinely swapped stealing things from each other. He stole my "Honk If You Like -CENSORED- " bumper sticker. I stole his fuzzy dice. He stole my right hand mirror. I stole his son's motorcycle.  He stole my four wheeler. I stole his wife. Yesterday he kidnapped my dog, which really makes me reconsider terming it "stealing" his wife, but here we were, me trying to barter back for Sergeant Lumpy and him trying to barter back for his son's motorcycle.