Connecticut and Me

This summer I took a trip. Now, I'm from Tennessee and had never really been up "Nawth", so I was pretty pumped. And it was a great trip! I spent some time in Boston, New York, and Detroit and had a great time. The trip up from Tennessee wasn't that bad. However, the trip from New York to Boston and back? ....

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So, being an ignorant goon from the South, I had this fairytale idea of Connecticut as this kind of sleepy neighbor to New York. Lots of forests, mountains, coast, and friendly village folk. As it turns out, I was lied to.

On my way to Boston, I hit the road right as dark clouds snuck over the horizon. Within five minutes I couldn't see out of my car, almost hydroplaned into a semi-truck (Ironically carrying Ford sedans (I drive a Ford Taurus, for the two people who read this that don't know me)), and had an average speed of fifteen miles and hour and still felt like I was flipping off Death. The only reason I knew I wasn't was because he was in the car next to me, shaking his hourglass in rage because he, too, was late for an appointment.

The rain stopped almost as suddenly as it started and left the sky a murky white, and while I was still recovering from this sudden shift, the traffic around me -stopped-. It took me two and a half hours to go 30 miles, no joke. I timed this, checked my distances, all this. Trust me, I had -time-. And I saw more dick driving moves in those two and a half hours than in the rest of my life.

An example: People were speeding down the shoulder to jump ahead in traffic, so a semi truck started driving in it next to another one in the right lane, just to keep them from doing that. High five, I've seen that done back home. What I hadn't seen were the daring ne'er-do-wells that tried to four wheel up the hill, through the sparse forest, and around the vehicular barricade. A guy almost flipped his jeep (His wide-eyed screaming expression was enough to forgive his total dickishness). Other maneuvers included the "Merge while I pretend you aren't there" and the "Skip the two mile toll booth line", which was followed by the "Merge while I pretend you aren't there". A winning combo, Steve.

Truly inspired coaching, Bill.

Speaking of two mile toll booth lines, I gotta ask... What the hell is with the two mile toll booth lines? There were like, 10 lanes, four of them were the fast card speedy things for the everyday commuters, but of the other six, three were open. Call in the cavalry for that shit, Connecticut.

The one good part of the toll line, though, was the other drivers. I had my window down playing some System of a Down, and I ended up next to this other guy who also had his window down playing a -different- System of a Down song. So we started having a System of a Down off. I'm sure the family of eight behind us and the Asian couple with the two kids ahead of us loved all the swearing.

Right right, anyway, the two and a half hours in traffic thing. Turns out that at the end of those sweet thirty miles, there were five police cars, a Swat van, a police van, and an unmarked van carrying equipment on BOTH SIDES of the freeway, both looking off into a small little dip. Almost creek looking, but no water. Still have no idea what happened.

So that was my trip through Connecticut to Boston. On the way back, I got revisited by what I assume was the same storm, although the traffic I got caught in after was just the average five o'clock traffic that starts at 3:15. I'm curious who built that stretch of interstate, though. There's another interstate joining on on the right, then another that joins on the left, then the right has to merge, followed by the left merging, then the next right lane ending, followed by the next left lane closing. I'll try to graph it:


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I mean, what the hell? That's ASKING for traffic issues.

Anyway, those are ALL of my experiences with Connecticut. No gas stops, no breaks, etc. Just putting up with interstate and weather bullshit. My illusions of sleepy wonderland have been destroyed by poorly created interstates, crappy weather, and major criminal activity.