This is all I do anymore

The Abscondant Hobo: So, I got in a fight with this guy, right?
The Abscondant Hobo: Well, wasn't really a guy. More like a little girl.
The Abscondant Hobo: But she was pretty beefy. like, 5'4, 100 lbs.
The Abscondant Hobo: Mean right hook
The Abscondant Hobo: Anyway
The Abscondant Hobo: I got in a fight with her.
The Abscondant Hobo: Turns out that if you tie a rocket to a little girl's doll, set it off, and pretend it's the Challenger, she gets mad. So does her grandmother.
The Abscondant Hobo: Well, needless to say, betwen the two if them I got my ass kicked.
The Abscondant Hobo: So I'm sitting in the hospital half doped up on morphine and I look next to me, and who do I see?
The Abscondant Hobo: David Bowie.
The Abscondant Hobo: I never found out what he was doing there, but he took me on a magical journey through the bathroom mirror to a land inhabited by wonderous creatures
The Abscondant Hobo: At one point we were being flown through a starry sky that was all the colors of the rainbow, his Bowie Arms gently keeping me from falling off the giant Eagledragon, when we were attacked by the Campbellians, a radical sect of Bruce Campbell fans.
The Abscondant Hobo: The Eagledragon fell and I was separated from Bowie. All I could do was scream as I fell from the clouds
The Abscondant Hobo: I passed out on the way down and woke up in a small shack in the woods, a beautiful woman caring for me.
The Abscondant Hobo: My entire body was wrapped in giant banana leaves. I spent eight days recovering. By that point, the leaves had become one with my skin.
The Abscondant Hobo: When I returned to town, everyone saw me as a monster. A police officer tried to baton me, but the banana leaves turned my skin into a thick armor.
The Abscondant Hobo: Eh, ok, I'm tired now.